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A spotlight in my head - Rowena Wilding
A spotlight in my head
Consumes my thoughts, my dreams
It follows me, fills me with a sense
Of my own guilt and self loathing
I can see how it would be
Star struck, and sparkling and noisy
Like that first applause resonating
Before the curtain closes
I can feel that I want it
And constantly try
To hide it, but keep clinging, somehow
Because it is a far away dream
Impossible dream
Pointless dream
For I’ve not the tools
Nor the talents
To take on a tactless life
Of sparkle, glamour, attention.
A spotlight in my head
Never fades, still bright
Blinds me with its passion
Which I know reflects my own
Its not quite forbidden;
Only by myself
My clumsy scrawl across a page
Does not withstand the test
Does not live up to
Its own high standards
As bright is the spotlight
Is as dim as I
How may one so dull
Be illuminated in splendour?
In beauty?
I torment myself with fantasy
I am sick, worthless.
A spotlight in my head
Makes it pound
Makes me suffer
But I will never let it go out.
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